Ugh.

That is all I have to say to the months of March and April.

They’ve been a bit of a whirlwind. Chris (my husband) has been in and out of town, to SXSW and a conference in Las Vegas. It’s tough to be home without him.

I haven’t written a lot these past couple of months. I’ve made some progress, but it’s been meager and sporadic. I write at work as an SEO copywriter, and though that is very different from creative writing and other stuff I do on my own, it still sucks the brain power. After having stared at a screen, coming up with new words and typing all day, I often just don’t want to do more of the same at home.

I’ve let my enthusiasm for my current project flicker a bit.

The same fire and excitement just isn’t there. I love starting projects — ho yes, I do. It’s easy and fun and full of possibility like maybe this is the one that comes easy, that just happens, that forms perfectly into a beautiful masterpiece.

But, alas, writing isn’t like that. At least, not for a whole novel.

I’ve committed to finishing the story/book I’m writing on now before moving on. Even though I keep having ideas pop up of stories that want to be told.

I read a piece by Karen River about how to finish a novel that she posted yesterday. It is pretty much spot on for how I am feeling right now.

But I will keep going, I have to do it. I have to finish this novel, and prove to myself, prove to others that I can do this. I’m an author. I’m a novelist.

Originally my goal was to have a first draft finished by my birthday.

Now — I don’t know. I’d still like to try for June 12th, but it doesnt quite seem doable. We’re going on a trip to Poland in three weeks, so there are plans to make for that. Chris is graduating and looking for a job. Soon there could be packing and moving and all kinds of wild fun. There’s no real stretches of quiet or solitude from here to my birthday.

I’m a bit burnt out with everything at the moment, but I’m not ready to give up hope yet that I can still pull it off.

It will take a lot of dedication, to do it. But the alternative? Putting it aside? It just isn’t a choice I’m going to make,